Challenge Day

Basically a day where we talked about our feelings. I was tricked into believing when I first read the noticed that said I'd been nomminated that it was something to strengthen our leadership skills, so I figured "Hell? Why not? Good for a college resume, right?"

Totally opposite.

Involved a lot of hugging... o_o

Got into small groups and talked about our feelings, but in a non-stupid guidiance way; more like a cool, I know how you're feeling kind of way. Basically, we're all fucked up, and we got a chance to talk about it. It was nice.

Did this one thing where we 'crossed the line' whenever something applied to us, so the woman would say "How many of you are under 18?" and we all stepped over the line something like 20 feet away, bar the teachers. But then the questions evolved from just 'Cross this line if you are hispanic' to 'Cross this line if one or both of your parent's have died.' and 'Cross this line if you've ever been hit, spat on, or physically abused by someone in your family.' or 'Cross this line if someone in your family has an addiction, to anything: alcohol, drugs, gambling.' and 'cross this line if you've ever lost sleep worrying over someone'. and 'Cross this line if you're afraid of being home.' or 'Cross this line if you hear gunshots in your neighborhood and are afraid to sleep.'
Pretty burtal stuff, and it was horrifying to see just how many kids from high school crossed that line repeatedly.
Her last question was 'Cross this line if you were ever a child.' and some of us misinterperated it, but her point was that some kids didn't cross that line, and they never got the chance to be a child.

We got assigned to small groups of 5-6 students and talked about 'If you knew me, then you'd know.... if you really knew me, then you'd know... if you really really knew me, you'd know....'
and say things that we just kept burrowed inside of us to random strangers.
Again, lots of hugging....

It was incredible listening to some of the things people had gone through; we're just kids. And people, I mean, even the preps, some of them crossed that line and started crying and I couldn't believe some of the things they went through.


Just feel really emotionally drained right now, super sleepy, just wanna take a nap, like I just woke up from a restless night's sleep and have to go to school (and I still have homework, too)
My head just hurts and I feel really numb.

I didn't let people hug me, so these two guys, Mark and Dan (freshman and senior) hugged me both at once. I've known Mark since middle school so he knew I didn't like being hugged...
Kind of weird.
At the same time, though, I wished I would have hugged them. Wouldn't that be the greatest? Hug someone, actually hug someone who loves you because they want to, not because they have to, and then never let go? Hold on to them for as long as you needed.... cry against them, even.
But I couldn't
We were at school
I don't even know them

It was funny because Dan couldn't see why I didn't like people touching me and I was joking and just saying I'm not comfortable with physical contact. The truth is, though, that I feel it's so intimate, and I don't want to throw it around like that. You know how when you walk down the hallways, you'll hear girls throw out "I love you" to one another or hug each other, because that's how they great each other? I'm not like that. When I hug someone, I want there to be a purpose behind it. I want to hug someone because I haven't seen them in so long and I feel overwelmed with joy. I want to hug someone because I love them. Guess that's why I don't flip someone the bird willy-nilly (Christ, I know, that sounds so stupid, but I feel so numb right now, and my head is just mush, the way it feels after non-stop 10 hours of TV and watching random soap operas and just feeling dead) Haven't flipped anyone the bird, really. Done that + thing with my arms that's "Ugh! So 1980's!" Does that have a name? Someone tell me if it does...


Well, all that emotional 'cross the line' stuff kept reminding me of my 'We Are' series and Jayden and just to what extends I can make his life fucked-up and still plausible and something people can think about.
Smiles for that :)

~DarkWingedWolf13

SIN

Thought it was a joke
Just for fun
Played along
Just for fun
Chatted with one boy
Just for fun
We toyed with another boy's heart
Just for fun
Like fate I be,
Just for fun
We pretended to hook up
Just as pretend
I talked with the other, saying I loved him
Just as pretend
He hooked us up over a chat
We laughed behind his back
Just for fun
Just to mess with his head
So why do I feel I'm
Better off dead?
Why is this knot tightening in my stomach?
When just for fun
He told me that that boy said
'Great, you got to hook up with her,
and I got stuck just being the guy friend'
Toyed with his heart, I fear
This can't just be a joke
Isn't fun anymore
I talked with that boy
I thanked him for being with me
When I shed tears
It wasn't for fun
I was serious
But I don't feel that way
Don't 'like him' like that
But I'm afraid
Like fate I've toyed with that boy's heart
And cut it open with a blade
To expose the pusling veins
And I think that
He likes me more than a friend
For a moment I wonder
'Are they joking with me?
Toying with me just like we did to him?'
I don't think so
My gut says 'No,
You cut open his heart
You expose the pulsing vein
the weakness of a boy's heart
when he likes a girl like this'
Such a sin
Such a sin
Why did I let him convince me
To fuck with his mind
Just for fun
Not for fun
Fun for one?
Can't say so
My heart says no
Such a sin
Such a sin
What have I done to him?



(Can you see the difference? Bold is my friend, just joking. Italic is boy whose mind and heart we fucked with) Just thoughts, no, feelings. My fingers move, I feel this, but betwen my fingers and my brain, there is no thinking. Only movement. Maybe I should have been thinking ten minutes ago. This doesn't feel right. Damn you facebook and chat speaks and status up dates. Dammit. Dammit....


~Darkwingedwolf13


I'M A FUCKIN BITCH

Homecoming Dance

Been a while (But what else is a change besides my persistance to update my blog??)

Homecoming Dance last night (our team lost the homecoming game something like the 5th year in a row. FML for them)
It blowed at the beginning...
But the last half hour was bitchen.
Met one of my brother's semi friends who seems pretty awesome :)

My hair was a bitch and wouldn't stay straight... I used enough products that I'd advise people not to smoke around me too. FRICK

My Wrist

Guess I might as well bitch about it: my right wrist (my good one, too) got hurt. Pulled a ligiment or something. I have to wear a wrist brace for at least a week. So not good with my art class... really hard to draw with it on. Painting is even harder...

Ears

Halleluya, happy friday. Fourth of July tom. Yea? Hardly...

I'm taking summer school (what a pain) Taking Painting and also Computer Concepts (though I know the MS programs like the back of my hand)

I got my ears pierced Wednesday. That was... intresting. Glad I finally did, though. One of my friends, Sarah, came with. She probably was the only thing that kept me from bursting into tears and screaming "No! I changed my mind! Let's not do this!" Oh did I mention? I got them done at Clares T_T
Only place I know that does ear piercing; not like I had a choice.
I got black though!... yea for garnet :)

Going gothic. This preppy friend of mine hates it. I'm starting to like heavy metal. Or just 'real metal' as this other friend of mine would call it. Really <3 As I Lay Dying's song Through Struggle. Clint Norris' solos make me melt *Q*

...


I'm done.

~DarkWingedWolf13

Omg, 100th post!...


...


I need a life...

Lacking...

A Job.

Yesterday my dad lost his job. He didn't seem too surprised, what with economy and the company being small. They let a lot of people go yesterday. I can tell it's really brought him down...

Insperation

It's hard, god dangit. Writing is really hard. I've plowed through writers' block that blocked my path (for roughly a month and a half D: ) and now it's starting to get fun :] It's still a pain, what with school in the way. Not for long though, right? :)
And then there's art. Haven't drawn much in a while. I've got one picture of my character, Jayson (or Jason; I'm trying to deside how to spell it ^^; ) that's been a bitch because he's on a swingset and it's in a park. With wood chips. I had no clue drawing so many of them would be so hard! It's such a pain; I'm only about 1/3 done drawing 'em, too D:

Confidence and Beauty

But you already knew that... I'm getting a hair cut next monday, and I'm thinking I'd chop of an inch and a half. It doesn't sound like much, but to me, it does. I'm nervous. I loathe change, even if it is self-induced.
A book report Tuesday, too, a day after a haircut. I've never liked getting haircuts during the week; I like getting them on the weekend, so they have a day or two to grow out. But I guess it doesn't really matter. I always (no, really, everyday) wear my hair up in a ponytail, so no one will probably even notice. ):


Well, there's my vent. Sorry; just had to do that :)

~DarkWingedWolf13
I'll give you more info on Jayson/Jason here (you know, someday :P )

Contacts (Let The Bodies Hit The Floor)

Listening to Bodies by Drowning Pool. For some reason it's adictive to me X3

Well, I got a new perscription for my contacts, but they still seem too strong -_-;
I wore them for, like, 6 hours today. My eyes huurrrttt.
I can get them in and out pretty easily now, ei: like a normal person.

I'm writing right now, working on this one part where Crow has dreams about Seagull. The dreams are like her subconcous mind trying to tell her things she wouldn't figure out on her own. The previous one was Seagull trying to convince her to test out her wings and practice flying again. That didn't end too well... she ended up falling into a black abyss XD

Later
~DarkWingedWolf13

My Eyes Are Bleeding (From The Fear That's Inside)

Yesterday I went to my eye doctor and I tried out contacts. It took me half an hour to get the right one in and then fifteen minutes to put the left one in. I am so blind, I have to wear my reading glasses 24/7 and then I also have distance glasses.

While I was at the eye doctors, I heard my doctor talking to one of the nurses in the other room, saying that if I couldn't get the contacts in in the next ten or so minutes, then she should.
Personally, that was one of my greatest fears (at the moment)
People touching me = scary
Strangers touching me = kind of scary
Strangers touching me and holding an object to jam into my eye = *brain overload from fright*

I knew that if I couldn't get them in, no one would. So I tried really hard to get them in, my motivasion being : don't let that bastard (doctor) win. You must do this! Get that contact in NOW.

I managed to get the right one in, and then fifteen minutes later the left one. Started to get a little worried, though, because an eight year old boy had them in and way freaking out because he couldn't get them out...

Anyway, doctor saw me, looked at my eyes, then sent me back out to take them out and practice putting them in again (F---! Like I'd be able to do that again!)
So they told me to take the contact off by sqeezing it, having it pucker up, and then pulling it out. (Did I mention when the lady explained how to put them in {"Have a BIG EYE!"} that all that went through my mind was 'oh shit, I so can not do this". The same feeling came back when I had to get them out)
I tried for like, five minutes, then looked at my watch again. 7 o'clock. Now, I hadn't eaten a thing since noon, so I was pretty freakin' hungry. Plus, I had to take a shower.
Instead, I slid the contact over to like, the opposite side of my tear duct and pulled it out. Hurt, but I couldn't think of any other way.

Anywho, I'm wearing the distance contacts now. Took forty-five mins to put them in. Annoying, but I did it :)
Now I need to get them out X-x
Help.... me....

Seriously, tips on contacts much appreceated. My eyes feel like they're bleeding. Plus I'm freaking out when it comes to taking them out @____@


~DWW13

Broken Glass and Poetry

Can't say much, seeing as it's fairly late.

Yesterday, a rock or something hit my backdoor (how lucky; it's made of glass) Like a 'screen door' only glass. Either way, it started breaking, veins of cracks running through the entire sheet. It looked amazing. Unfortuantly i only had enough time to take a few pictures of it on my cell phone before the glass fell onto the kitchen floor, creating thousands of small, reflecting crystals.
Really wished I'd had some high def. camera to take a picture of it; it really did look amazing.

Back in March, I submitted a poem for the libraries' poetry contest for my age group. April 5th they called my home and told us I'd won. First time I'd really won something. Earlier, like March 27th, two or three pieces of my artwork were displayed in a local musuem. That was fun.

But I have to read the poem at the library April 23rd. In front of an audiance. And it'll be broadcast. Damn...

Well... I'll post it sometime, when I've got more time. I'm figuring What the hell? So yup.

Hasta Luego, mes amis.

~DarkWingedWolf13

Spring Break

Spring break this week. Sucks it's only a week long...

My friend moved away. Well, no, she wasn't really my friend. Though, I suppose we were more than just accaintinces. Either way, her last day of school was Tuesday. She moved away Thursday.

My throat hurts alot. Jeez, how do you say that in spanish? Me duelo en la gargorgla? Forgot throat...
But I wonder...
Why is it 'la' and not 'mi'? Wouldn't 'Me duelo en la gargorgla' be 'I hurt in the throat'. And would it not be more proper to say 'I hurt in my throat'?

R

Jesus, what happened!?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Don't Ask, Won't Tell

This world mother f-in stinks.

So my friends and I went to Oberwise after Dance Class (our last one - woot!) Turns out this guy from my english class (let's go ahead and call him Nate) was there, too. So I started chatting with him, and then we played chess at one of their tables. But then, these preps looked over at us and Nate said we should go over and sit with the rest of my friends. I regected (dude, the table they were at was packed!) but said he could go ahead. So he did, but then those lame-ass preps asked Nate if he and I were going out. He said no, and I only went over to sit with my friends when one of the girls -Amber- asked me to come join them.

Then this other dude (let's call him...Evan...) texted ten different people saying Nate and I were going out. Bastard; I wanted to kick him in the crotch so bad...

...

Monday Comes. Ten different people ask me eleven times if Nate and I are going out (one Einstien asked me twice, the idiot)

Tuesday comes. Four people asked me if we were going out. I pointed out that it'd be quite odd if I went out with Nate, seeing as he has the same name as my brother (okay, so his name isn't Nate, but they do have the same name...)

Evan straightened his long curly hair today (which just so happened to be black) and kept boasting to people he'd made a joke as going to school looking emo. First off, he looked like a skater; his hair wasn't even that straight. Second, no hoodie. Plus, he wore all black (dude, that seems more goth) Thirdly, he talked way too much to try and be emo...

Day was crap. BTW, gotta go to church today for three hours... don't ask why

New Kids are as Copious as Daisies...

The title?...
...
Don't ask....


Another new kid came to our school today: his name's Eddie. It's always intresting when a new kid arrives; it's fun to watch them and try and guess what catagory they'll fall under.
Eddie looks like he'll be one of those awkward outsiders.

We're sitting in seminars for lunch (some stupids desided it'd be funny to throw a poptart at the back of one of our teachers' heads) Yesterday the preps and prep-dudes invited him to sit with them - total outcast.
Looks like he barely spoke a word to 'em. Now, if he'd been cute, or hot, or whatever, he might've scored a "I'm-shy-but-at-the-same-time-so-freakin'-hot-it-makes-all-the-girls-gawk-when-they-see-me" title, but he didn't. He's just unkempt, and his style matches his personaliy: outcast.
Actually, he doesn't really have a style; looks like he just wore whatever he found on his bedroom floor. Camo hoodie - might've been punk if he'd worn the jeans, the shoes, or even a band tee, but no. I'm thinkin' he'll fall down with the nerds, maybe, especially with an old name like 'Eddie'. Poor dude...

~DWW13
Peace

Sickness and Rain

Raining outside. Fuckin' raining in February when it should be snowing. Warm outside - 60 F. Fuckin' warm in February when it should be cold.

I stayed home from school today; I've had a cold since last Thursday. Kind of worried I'll have to miss dance class this friday again; don't wanna miss two in a row... that'd be a bitch to make up.

Also, my friend Alana has her birthday party this Sunday. Intresting; it'll be the first party I actually go to; she invited 35 people and everyone can make it. I'm kind of nervous because I'm drawing her a picture as a birthday present, and even though she told people she doesn't want any gifts for her birthday, I have a feeling everyone will bring her one. I wonder how greatful she'll be of my artwork...

Love homeskillets
-DWW13

Poetry and Heroine and School Projects

Got My Heroine (by Silverstein, not Boys Like Girls, foolz)
in my head. Good song...

Unfinished poem on my mind, too... only three stanzas. Starting to look at classes for next year. Estoy nerviosa.

Got a Social Studies project due this Friday. I don't even have to present it, and I'm still nervous. I'm not sure it's enough; I have to create this newspaper on the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, and the facts I got from books and off the web was nothing...

Snow days and Apple Pies

We had two snowdays (thursday and friday) because it was deamed 'too cold to go to school'. Sure sure, I guess -7 F is kind of cold, but I love winter, and am always pretty warm, so I, quite francially, liked the weather.
Unfortunatally, on Wednesday, we made pie in cooking class. Apple pie. Now, I've never really been a big fan of pie {Actually, I hate it X[} but still, free pie. Now we also have this monday and tuesday off, and our teacher said she'd bake them, so i'm pretty sure it'll taste like cardboard shit (to put it nicely)

Well, I've also got a book report due this friday, and I didn't get a chance to bring my book home (I still have 100 pgs to go). Also, we had a science project due last friday, but seeing as we had two snowdays, I didn't get a chance to bring my science book and notes home. I'm so intelligent, right?

...

I'm scared; my science teacher is not someone to be triflied with; she's buff, man!

~DarkWingedWolf13