Challenge Day

Basically a day where we talked about our feelings. I was tricked into believing when I first read the noticed that said I'd been nomminated that it was something to strengthen our leadership skills, so I figured "Hell? Why not? Good for a college resume, right?"

Totally opposite.

Involved a lot of hugging... o_o

Got into small groups and talked about our feelings, but in a non-stupid guidiance way; more like a cool, I know how you're feeling kind of way. Basically, we're all fucked up, and we got a chance to talk about it. It was nice.

Did this one thing where we 'crossed the line' whenever something applied to us, so the woman would say "How many of you are under 18?" and we all stepped over the line something like 20 feet away, bar the teachers. But then the questions evolved from just 'Cross this line if you are hispanic' to 'Cross this line if one or both of your parent's have died.' and 'Cross this line if you've ever been hit, spat on, or physically abused by someone in your family.' or 'Cross this line if someone in your family has an addiction, to anything: alcohol, drugs, gambling.' and 'cross this line if you've ever lost sleep worrying over someone'. and 'Cross this line if you're afraid of being home.' or 'Cross this line if you hear gunshots in your neighborhood and are afraid to sleep.'
Pretty burtal stuff, and it was horrifying to see just how many kids from high school crossed that line repeatedly.
Her last question was 'Cross this line if you were ever a child.' and some of us misinterperated it, but her point was that some kids didn't cross that line, and they never got the chance to be a child.

We got assigned to small groups of 5-6 students and talked about 'If you knew me, then you'd know.... if you really knew me, then you'd know... if you really really knew me, you'd know....'
and say things that we just kept burrowed inside of us to random strangers.
Again, lots of hugging....

It was incredible listening to some of the things people had gone through; we're just kids. And people, I mean, even the preps, some of them crossed that line and started crying and I couldn't believe some of the things they went through.


Just feel really emotionally drained right now, super sleepy, just wanna take a nap, like I just woke up from a restless night's sleep and have to go to school (and I still have homework, too)
My head just hurts and I feel really numb.

I didn't let people hug me, so these two guys, Mark and Dan (freshman and senior) hugged me both at once. I've known Mark since middle school so he knew I didn't like being hugged...
Kind of weird.
At the same time, though, I wished I would have hugged them. Wouldn't that be the greatest? Hug someone, actually hug someone who loves you because they want to, not because they have to, and then never let go? Hold on to them for as long as you needed.... cry against them, even.
But I couldn't
We were at school
I don't even know them

It was funny because Dan couldn't see why I didn't like people touching me and I was joking and just saying I'm not comfortable with physical contact. The truth is, though, that I feel it's so intimate, and I don't want to throw it around like that. You know how when you walk down the hallways, you'll hear girls throw out "I love you" to one another or hug each other, because that's how they great each other? I'm not like that. When I hug someone, I want there to be a purpose behind it. I want to hug someone because I haven't seen them in so long and I feel overwelmed with joy. I want to hug someone because I love them. Guess that's why I don't flip someone the bird willy-nilly (Christ, I know, that sounds so stupid, but I feel so numb right now, and my head is just mush, the way it feels after non-stop 10 hours of TV and watching random soap operas and just feeling dead) Haven't flipped anyone the bird, really. Done that + thing with my arms that's "Ugh! So 1980's!" Does that have a name? Someone tell me if it does...


Well, all that emotional 'cross the line' stuff kept reminding me of my 'We Are' series and Jayden and just to what extends I can make his life fucked-up and still plausible and something people can think about.
Smiles for that :)

~DarkWingedWolf13